Scam Woman: hello there what hobbies are you currently into? I have a couple of eortic pcis. but I cannot put tehm here at okcupid. Do you have a mobile and I can get them to you thanks Bob: Wow, that sounds great! My number is 888-449-3338. It's the number to what claims to be the most expensive phone-sex service in existence.
Fuck-Ass Woman: Hi, my name is Julie. I am currently living in Kansas City, but I have lived in Oregon, California (lived there longest so I consider it home), Colorado, Kansas and Missouri. I can't wait to live somewhere new. I love new experiences. I just graduated with my Masters of Divinity in Intercultural studies. I am taking some time to relax, after being in school straight for so many years, before I apply for pastoral missionary positions. I thought this time in my life would be a great opportunity to put myself out there to possibly meet a God centered man who I could get to know and see if God leads us to be together. Woman: From reading your profile it seemed to me like we could get along. I would love to talk to you and get to know you. Bob: Thanks--I feel the same way. Of course you should know, I WANT YOU TO BE MY NEXT BITCH SPREAD YOUR LEGS CUNT LETS BUTT FUCK
Think Woman: Hey :) That's awesome that you were able to go serve in Uganda. I know that the services you provided were much appreciated. How long were you there for? Bob: I don't think you really know that they were appreciated since you weren't there. Next time, think before you speak.
Volunteer Woman: I read your profile, I found it very interesting. I am going to school for law, while I have always had a passion for it, a personal experience gave me the fire and passion to pursue it. I also like to give back, I founded a charity in one week to help benifit the victims in CT, don't ask me how I did it but it was successful. I also like to go to the Veterans hospital and volunteer, and at my old elementary school. Anyway those two similarities really stuck out to me. Anyway I probably should have prefaced this with "hi my name is [name]" anyway I admire what you have accomplished. Bob: Excuse me. If you have not gone to Africa or on some other mission trip, you have not really volunteered. If you think you're getting into heaven with that resume, you've got another thing coming. Woman: I didn't mean to offend you or compare myself. I haven't been to Africa or any developing nation, you are correct. I probably shouldn't even broadcast any sort of charity work really. Neither should you, as we both are clearly guilty of. You have it in your profile, the reason you do what you do. First Corinthians "Charity suffers long and is kind, charity envy's not, charity brags not itself" so real charity is anonymous. I am not a saint, but I find you hypocritical and if you follow the Bible as the word of God, you yourself have sinned. Furthermore to attack me and be rather unpleasant and mocking in your message, you aren't exactly being the good man you claim to be. Woman: Also, who are you to tell me where I will go when I die? Isn't that up to God. All in all I find you pretentious and rude. IF you really want to live your life in accordance to God and the Bible you have a horrible way of showing it. Bob: The Bible also says, "Let he who is really awesome and rich cast the first stone." I believe that would be I in this situation. Woman: Grammatically, what you meant to say is "that would be me in this situation" apparently doctors don't have to pass basic english in college. Do what you want you feel you are "really awesome and rich" please continue to throw your stones. Woman: Clearly you are horribly offended and appalled by me so just leave me alone. Since I am not of your caliber it would just be a waste of your time to respond. Bob: It's called a predicate nominative, bitch. Look that shit up. Apparently dumb asses don't have to pass basic English in middle school. Also add a comma after is and a period after situation, capitalize apparently and english, put a period after want, capitalize you, put a comma after are and a period after rich, capitalize please, and put a comma after me and one after caliber. Woman: Im sorry I didn't care about punctuation. More than anything I'm sorry you think and called me a bitch. We disagree, but I didn't call you a vulgar word. I am not a bad person, I am not perfect by any means. In my first message I meant what I said I didn't mean to offend you. I wasn't trying to compare myself to you. You know since your first message I felt horrible about anything I ever did to help people. I am divorced, I took my vows seriously. My parents have been happily married for 35 years, happily. That's how I know my marriage was wrong, the black eye I had helped too. When I was married my in laws were Southern Baptist. My ex-husband was very controlling. I had the chance twice, through school and the church we went to, to go help another country. My husband said no, and you don't argue with someone who hits you in the face. I was left at the airport at 11 pm, my credit cards taken by him. I have picked my life up, I lost everything. I am not able to say I have been to Africa. But I do what I can locally. All I can do is try, I am not a bitch. It just really sucks someone who I have never met doesn't like me, and thinks I'm a bitch. Woman: I have no more negative words to argue back and forth. So please don't send mean spirited messages to me. The bitch comment made me cry already. I really am sorry I offended you it was really unintentional. Bob: Apology accepted
How Old Woman: That's me..."A person of God looking to find someone with whom to raise a family." Well, sort of. I am intentionally following Jesus, first and foremost. Then raising my daughter & trusting my Lord and Savior to do his will. I'm here to meet like-minded people to build a friendship with and see where it goes from there. To see a man of your faith on here is reassuring that maybe, just maybe, there are still some available Godly men out there who truly understand what agape love is. Hope to hear back from you:-) Bob: Sorry for the absence--it's been a busy week. I'm glad to hear that Jesus is a big part of your life. How old is your daughter? Woman: No problem:-) She's 8 1/2. Bob: That's old enough for me! Woman: I'm assuming that means if she were younger then that would've been too much for you? Woman: From your profile, I get that you're a selfless, Godly man. So tell me more: Woman: 1. What genre of music is your car's radio station set to @ this moment? Woman: 2. Introvert or extrovert Woman: 3. Beach or mountains? Bob: I meant she's old enough to get jiggy with Bob. Bob: 1.) My car radio is set to a conservative talk-radio station. I especially enjoy the Fuck Niggers and Fags Hour with Rush Limbaugh. Bob: 2.) I'm introverted as fuck. Bob: 3.) The only thing I love more than beaches is mountain them! It's a tough call. Woman: Wow! Guess your profile really isn't who you are since you would make such offensive comments. Bob: How is any of that offensive?
Gay Relationship This guy's profile says he likes to date women and other bisexual men but not gay men. It emphasizes that he does not identify as gay or want to rush into sex with anyone. Man: Great profile. I read it. I wish you a lot of luck on your search. My roommate in LA was a surgical resident for the 3 years we lived together. Rough times. Most of his fellow residents were married after their first year. 3 of them used match.com. One tried, but the guy she met got deported Bob: You know, truth be told, I'm actually into guys too. I've just been too embarrassed to admit it. How does a gay relationship work? I heard the two guys have sex by just shitting all over each other. Man: OK... I've never had a gay relationship. But, I would assume its not from you describe Man: I think you just meet someone normal and take it from there. I'm normal and expect the same Man: But, I guess a buddy of yours stole your phone and answered for you. Bob: I think you've had a gay relationship if you've dated a man, so what do you do in the bedroom? I just assumed without a vagina the only possible type of intercourse would be defecation. Man: Well, I assume by your profile and if you are Christian that you wouldn't be asking me this stuff Man: Gay bi or straight isn't about sex all the time Man: And I've never dated a man Bob: So you're looking for your first man then? Man: I'm just looking for new people to talk to... I have no specific intentions. Bob: Geez, how long is this going to take before I get to shit on you? Man: Bro, while you may be offended that I initially visited your profile and messages you. There is a huge difference between two guys hanging out and someone shitting on the person. If you're just on here to be a dick, why not delete the account. So, much for being a Christian Bob: I didn't mean any offense. I just am really attracted to you and how open you are about your gayness. Man: Dude, why don't you go away. It's funny that your profile is so Christian yet you're a complete fraud. Good luck Bob: I'm not a fraud. I'm just in love with you. We're star-crossed gay lovers, and I'm going to win you over yet. Man: Right man. Man: How about this. Good luck with your search. I hope you find someone. My roommate in LA was in residency when we lived with each other and it was hell. Most doctors I know are married. And good luck. Hope you find what you're looking for Bob: You're so cute and gay. Man: Only because I take your lead Bob: I don't care what the reason is. I'm just glad to have found another flaming man like myself.
Available Woman: Can I just say wow!?!? I was beginning to think there weren't any guys like you available anymore Bob: I didn't think there were any disgusting, Christian hicks left on the market, but here we are--want to get dinner? Woman: Disgusting? Hick? Bob: Yeah Woman: Hmmm. Is that an insult? Bob: I don't really know how we're not on the same page here.
Troll Woman: reading your profile reminded of myself ( or at least the person i use to be) even though you're older .....now I have some thinking to do ...thanks Bob: You used to troll dating websites? Woman: Hmmm nope lol Woman: But apparently I'm getting familiar with them since getting this app Bob: I don't troll dating websites either, but I'm sorry that you've encountered some people like that. Woman: Well that's kind of a relief lol Woman: It's alright though I just ignore them :) Bob: You didn't ignore me.
Have To Woman: You have to appreciate a man who puts the Bible and Fox News in the same line for his favorites :) Bob: I have to? Woman: No, I have to, as, I also have to appreciate a man who kindly corrects my grammar as his opening, or only, line of an email. Bob: Why do you have to? Woman: Do you always have one line conversations? My 95% match can't offer me more than one line. Sad, sad, sad. But, to answer your question, the Bible and Fox News says two things you care about God and taking this country in the right direction. So, yes, I can and do appreciate that. Bob: You can? Woman: Good luck in your search, Bob. Bob: I'm trying to find the button on my keyboard that will allow me to vomit directly onto your face. I don't think the technology's here yet.
Hard to Please Woman: I just wanted to say I admire your evangelical devotion. I was recently saved by Christ and I will pray that He will guide you to where you are needed most. Woman: In Jesus' name. Bob: Thanks--I try to do everything in my power to fulfill Jesus' desires. Woman: That is a wonderful, meaningful thing to aim to do and I pray you may succeed Bob: Thanks--he is hard to please, though, as we all know. Woman: Hmmm I wouldn't have put it quite like that. Rather, our human nature causes us to fail Him. It's a good job He's forgiving! I'm sure He will find a way to show you what He needs you to do hon. He will lead you. X Bob: Usually when he wants oral, he just walks up to me with his dick out, but it's really fucking hard to make him come (as you know I guess since you're a fellow Christian). Sometimes it's difficult to tell what really turns him on because he's not that vocal about it. Automated message: Sorry, [username] no longer has an account.
Jews Woman: hi :) my name is [name] :) can I know u more? Bob: Sure--I'd like to get to know you too. How's your weekend? Woman: It's great :) did a lot of reading lately and now am waiting for the Church service to start in an hour's time Bob: Nice--how was church? Woman: It was great :) my last service as I well transfer to Saturday next week Woman: I mean last Sunday service Bob: They have Saturday services? Woman: Yap. Philippines is 90 percent Christian so aside from the 6 services on Sunday, we have 2 services on Saturday. There are plenty of Churches but more believers thus having more services :) Bob: I think Saturday is the Jewish Sabbath. Are you sure you're not Jewish? Woman: Hahaha! It's normal here in the Philippines babe even in the Catholic Church they have Saturday services. It's becoz we have a big population in the metropolis Bob: Why are Jews going to the Catholic service to begin with? Woman: Hi :) sorry for late reply, acct has been down for awhile. I am not a Jew and am not Catholic. I am a Christian that goes to a Christian church every Sunday but there are Saturday services that are offered also that sometimes I attend. Bob: I don't think you're allowed to be both a Jew and a Christian like that. Won't you get in trouble with God? Woman: Am not a Jew, who says I am :) Bob: You go to synagogue on Saturday, so that makes you a Jew. Woman: Sigh, you can research about faith set up in Philippines or u can visit our church website everynation.org. I believe that will explain better Bob: I went to that website, and it says that Filipinos actually practice a hybrid of Christianity and Judaism.
Beast Woman: im not really expecting a reply from you but if you do, i'd appreciate it very much. i just wanted to say that you are very, very much inspiring. and i know you'll meet someone as great as you are and i can say that she's very lucky. God bless you always. Bob: Don't I recognize you from that porno The Beast with Two Dicks? You were the woman who got double-dicked by the monster. Woman: whoa..not expecting that offensive reply. the answer's no. anyway, God bless. Bob: No, I'm sure it was you. You were all, "Oh no, don't double-dick me, Beast with Two Dicks! I'm a double virgin and saving myself for my two fiancees!"
Something Else The conversation begins in direct messages. Woman: why did u dissapear last time we talked? Bob: What? Woman: well..last time I sent u a message, u sent me a message back, and, then, ur profile wasnt available.. Bob: Oh, that's right. I actually got banned from the site at one point. I went on a date with a (seemingly) nice woman I met on OKCupid, and while we were at her house for a little before seeing a movie, she stepped out of the room to go to the bathroom, and I spotted her dog in the corner. Let me tell you: this woman was alright-looking, but the dog was something else, so I walked over and started fucking the dog. What am I supposed to do? So she walks back in and freaks out, and later that night I get banned from OKCupid. I guess she told the site admins or something. Apparently her dog died. Anyway she was nuts. Woman: what?..... are u serious? Woman: Well..I do not think God is happy with a behavior like that one... Woman: I will pray for u.. Bob: Jesus told me to do it. He likes it when I put my dick in hot little animals. Here the conversation switches to instant messages. Woman: hello Woman: hey Woman: Are u serious??? Bob: about that crazy lady? yeah Woman: See..u have one of the most beautiful profiles in this site.. Bob: thanks Woman: and..now, u are talking about having sex with animals? Bob: whom else would i have sex with? Woman: Is this a joke? Bob: no Woman: well.. I am not sure that having sex with dogs is good... Woman: you should talk to ur pastor about it Bob: but jesus said so Bob: don't you love jesus Bob: ? Woman: Jesus didnt tell u that.. Bob: yes he did Bob: at night before bed when i was praying Woman: Whoever u are... JESUS DIDNT TELL U THAT.. Bob: he said, "bob put your dick in dogs" Bob: and i said "really?" Bob: and he said "yeah totally dude go for it" Bob: so i did Woman: See.. I have a brother who is atheist and he always say things like this to christians... Bob: well i'm sad to hear he hasn't seen the light of jesus yet Woman: what is the purpose of this? Bob: of what? Woman: to say things like that? Bob: i don't mean any offense to him, i just mean i hope he finds jesus Woman: Jesus.. Bob: yes Woman: I do not know if this is normal thing people from this site do... but..u are the second guy who tell me the same story.. Woman: about the dog.. Woman: However, the other guy didnt have a great profile as urs.. Bob: well if jesus wants us to have sex with dogs, this other man probably heard his message as well Woman: he wasnt a christian... Bob: hmm Woman: he told me he was just saying it because he wanted me to get angry and to tell me that christian people are not good.. Bob: it may have been a coincidence then Woman: well..but it is the same story... a little different about the girl...but... the same story Bob: perhaps he was possessed by the spirit of jesus Woman: Possessed... Woman: by the spirit of jesus? Bob: yeah Woman: oh my!!! Woman: haha.. my priest would laugh... Bob: why? Woman: let's talk about something else.. Bob: ok Woman: Are we talking about the same Jesus? Bob: i assume so Bob: you mean the messiah right? Woman: Jesus Christ? Bob: yeah Woman: God!! Bob: yes Woman: Do u love God Woman: ? Bob: of course Bob: more than anything Woman: what is the name of the church u attend? Bob: the first baptist church of virginia beach Woman: what is the name of ur pastor? Bob: steve Woman: Would u mind if I ask about you? Woman: what is ur name? Bob: bob smith is my real name Bob: i get that a lot because it sounds like a pseudonym Woman: can i ask ur pastor about u? Bob: sure Woman: ok..calling now.. Woman: anyway..what do u do? Bob: i'm a doctor Bob: i specialize in infectious disease Woman: why? Bob: it was the area i was most interested in in medical school Woman: why? Woman: see... most of my friends do not like infectous diseases.. Bob: i don't like diseases Woman: haha Woman: then? Bob: i specialize in curing them Woman: haha... Woman: what is ur favorite one? Bob: well favorite is an odd word for that Bob: i mean i wish there were no infectious diseases Woman: ok..i called to ur church and they told me they do not know u... Woman: well..the lady that answered was not very nice... Bob: well i guess in the interest of full disclosure i should say i've had a bit of a falling out with the church Bob: i tried to explain to pastor steve that jesus told me to have sex with dogs Bob: but he wouldn't have any of it, and the whole congregation basically turned against me Bob: so i've been banned from attending the church although i think it will blow over Woman: are they racist??..she told me..Are u hispanic??? Woman: :( Bob: uh, i haven't known any of them to be racist Bob: but i apologize if someone was Woman: :( Woman: would u talk to me by skype? Woman: just voice Bob: i don't have it on my computer but i could install it Woman: i can call u by phone.. Bob: that sounds good although i probably shouldn't right this minute because i have to leave in 9 minutes Woman: hahaha Woman: I can call u for 1 min Bob: i'm going to the pound to adopt a dog Woman: then..u can leave Bob: sorry, but we should talk sometime Bob: i'll give you my number Woman: hahaha Woman: see...I do not care if u are a bad or good person...or if u are a homeless guy or someone who is going to the space.. Woman: I just feel curious about you Bob: my number's (757)-619-9991 Woman: THAT WAS NOT UR NUMBER Woman: why did u lie? Bob: what? Bob: it is Woman: I called u Woman: and..the person told me it was not u Woman: unless ur name is not bob and..when I asked for u..u said..THIS IS NOT BOB..because u are not bob Bob: (757)-919-9991 is my real number Woman: hahaha Woman: ok.. Woman: i am going to call.. Woman: and..u have to say something like..I AM BOB ...after my hello Bob: i will Woman: mmh Woman: it says the number doesnt exist Bob: what? Woman: hahaha Woman: I love this game Woman: u are the best fake guy in this site Woman: unless u are a girl.. Woman: u are good Woman: !!! Woman: what is ur favorite INF. disease? Woman: the most interesting? Bob: i'm really not fake Bob: i don't know why my number isn't working Bob: i guess the most interesting might be aids Bob: the molecular basis for the functioning of retroviruses is pretty fascinating i think Woman: see... I am here because every man in my life have lied to me..so..if someone lies to me here, it wont hurt me.. Bob: i'm honestly not lying to you although i do have to leave now Woman: my stupid sichologist thinks I need to make some friends at least online.. Bob: we can talk more later Bob: send me a message Woman: bye Bob: see ya We return to direct messages. Bob: How was the rest of your night? Woman: it was a good night... Woman: how are u doing??/ Bob: Not bad--really busy week. I have a patient who always comes in when he's not sick, and I saw him on Wednesday and again on Friday because he thinks he has signs of liver disease. He definitely doesn't. He's an AIDS patient, so he really does have a weakened immune system, but it's made him a complete hypochondriac, so to teach him a lesson I gave him an injection that I told him would cure what he had. It was urine from another patient. Woman: hahahaha... Woman: if I was telling that to my Internal Medicine professor..he wouldnt believe it!!! Bob: A lot of doctors do things like that to hypochondriacs actually. It's a way of conditioning the patient to have a negative association with going to the doctor. It pretty much keeps them away unless something is actually wrong. Here we return to instant messages. Woman: hello bob Woman: how are u? Bob: good, good Bob: you? Woman: ohh Woman: blessed Woman: so..what is new? Bob: well that aids patient went to the e.r. over the weekend Bob: i guess he had some symptoms from the urine Woman: hahahahahahaha Bob: yeah i know right? serves him right Woman: hahaha Woman: u make me laugh a lot.. Bob: i'm glad that's your reaction, the other doctors are giving me hell over some of the stuff i've been doing Woman: when are u going to chat with me by voice? Bob: just give me a call Woman: hahaha Woman: dont u have skype? Bob: no Woman: hahaha Woman: ok Woman: haha Bob: is it free? Woman: well.. it is ok for me to call to someone Woman: haha Woman: I have enough money Bob: ok well my number is (757)-919-9991 Woman: okk Woman: so.. tell me about ur life.. Woman: or ask me any question Bob: ok Bob: what's your relationship with jesus like? Woman: WELL...He is the best one Bob: yeah, we should all strive to be vessels for his will Woman: :) Woman: do u have kids? Bob: not yet, but i'd like to someday Woman: and..who are u in real life? Bob: bob smith Bob: it's not a pseudonym really, i get that a lot Woman: hahaha Woman: but...who are u? Woman: tell me about ur life.. Bob: oh Bob: well i love kids, i always enjoy the opportunity to treat them Bob: and sometimes get 'em naked Woman: I can believe that is ur name Woman: what? Bob: everyone loves a naked little boy Woman: ohhh Woman: please, do not say that Bob: don't you? Woman: no Woman: please... Woman: do not say that... Bob: why not? At this point I told her that Bob was not real and that he had not molested any children.
Jesus Christ Woman: hi handsome Woman: How are you? Bob: Great--how's your Monday? Woman: Good thank you Woman: I have more Picts on fb if you want to find me Woman: Search under my email Woman: [email address] Bob: Jesus Shit-Ass Christ, you're ugly!
Face Woman: wow cancer at four is intense. what type of cancer was it? Bob: It was a type of skin cancer that developed in my left cheek and spread. I eventually had to have my whole face removed.